What Now?

Well, let me first start by thanking everyone for their support and prayers. As I mentioned last week, I had a progress check flight...and wouldn't you know, it was probably the worst flight of my career. Not a good time to try that out! Anyway, the squadron commander recommended that I be terminated from the training program and I am now not doing anything until that paperwork goes through. Once the paperwork goes through, I can contest the recommendation and then some higher brass makes the final decision. Long story short, I probably flew my last flight in an A-10 on Monday. I have no idea what is next or what is going to happen, but I have to trust God has a plan and a purpose behind all of this.

It really stinks and right now I have a million questions with no answers, but for the first time I actually don't have stress and can sleep at night. The stress was getting pretty bad and it was only getting worse and my performance was only getting worse. I think they were directly related, but it is what it is...you are going to be stressed when you are giving it your all and not seeing the results you want.

As I said, I have a million questions on my future and there are no answers and won't be until the paperwork gets completed and the process gets started. We are told that this will be a long process, but no one can tell us how long, long is so we will continue to live here and see what happens. My gut feeling is that I will be terminated from this program, go home, not have a Guard job, go back to my civilian job and see if there is another opportunity somewhere else to fly or quit all together. There is no evidence to back any of that up, but just an option.

It is starting to sink in that I won't be a fighter pilot any more and possibly an Air Force pilot any more...but that would be my decision. It was a great relief at first to have the stress lifted, but now I am starting to miss it. I don't know if it is the fact that I failed at doing something that I actually tried as hard as I could to make happen, or if it is the fact that I am not going to be a "fighter pilot" anymore and not get to live my dream. Either way, not a good feeling.

On a positive note, Candi and Jarrett are still living in my house. I found that out, now that I have time to stop and look around. I also realized that Candi may have been under more stress than me...JJ is a handful! I was able to do a little "bonding" this week and think Yankee Nation has a new fan...if not, he can find a new place to stay.

Yes, I am in my pajamas and yes it is 11:00AM when we are watching a Yankees day game and no I don't have a job!

Candi continues to work and I have been TRYING to help with Jarrett. However, God didn't give me the ears to take his screaming and yelling, so it is really not my fault that I have to retreat to the golf course when he gets loud. Speaking of getting loud, because I am a failure and don't have a job, we are working on training JJ to sleep through the night. I get up with him when he wakes up 12-1ish and sit by his crib since Candi says that makes him feel like we haven't neglected him. In theory he is assured we are there and then goes to sleep...in reality he cries at the top of his lungs, I get mad and go back to bed, and wake up to find he did finally shut up and sleep until 4 or 5 when Candi gets up and feed him. It's going pretty well so far- definitely a work in progress.

I guess it kind of sounds like I have a tough life, but it really isn't that bad. I have my health, family, and shelter so it could be worse. On that positive note, I will wrap it up. OH, THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS LAST WEEK, I GUESS PEOPLE DO READ THIS!